So sleepy.
Just woke up from an insidious dream. I won’t say nightmare, because it wasnt.
I woke up feeling satisfied that my mind can’t be hacked.
Think of Inception, and the movie 1408, how quickly insane John Cusack’s character was driven?
Yeah well, in my dream I had been drugged, for what purpose, it wasn’t clear. I lead a very boring life, perhaps I was a guinea pig? A mouse for their experiment?
Well, they must have done some research. They threw everything at me.
My desire to be with Chad.
My desire to be an accomplished writer.
My desire to have the life I have always wanted.
My Testers saw, but they didn’t observe.
Each time I found myself so happy, so joyous, i began to notice the little things. The dark cracks of their well thought out trap.
My desire to be with Chad didn’t include babies. I didnt want children of my own, knowing the effects of my medication on a baby. I would be satisfied being a step mom, and an aunt.
The babies were too perfect.
The life I always wanted didn’t include jetsetting, tv spots on the Today show.
What was the point of this deception?
To compell a person to reveal their deepest desires, confess their misdeeds? Mind control?!!!
When I woke up, the satisfaction I got for recognizing all these little traps, was over whelming!!!!
Then I thought, what if this too was another trap?


I had been feeling really heavy pressure on my brow and root chakras lately. I decided to try and clear them. Took off all the crystals I usually wear and charged them in the moonlight.
And put a crystal on my brow. And started some cleansing breathes.
I opened my eyes, and almost screamed in horror.
Right in front of me was this vision was a spider. Huge. Big as my hand. Wiggling its feet at me, or whatever it was. I blinked several times. Nope. It didnt go away.
I closed my eyes,turned my head,to switch on the light. I waited a moment, opened my eyes again. There. It was again. The shadows around it had gotten darker, but it was getting closer.
“Ok we are not going thru this again!” I cried. I turned on the light.
I think the reason I have such problems with my brow chakra, is because of fear.
I don’t like the shadows, I don’t like the unknown. What could be scurrying in the depths.
On the other hand, if I don’t conquer my fear how do I know what is beyond the shadows? To help others and myself, I have to be able to see the light and goodness in what I see.
I’m intuitive, perhaps it’s also protective measure. I see my visions in small increments, so maybe I’m not meant to be working with my brow chakra at this time.


Cue the music:

“She’s a cold-hearted snake
Look into her eyes
Oh ohhh
She’s a lover  at play
She don’t play by rules
Oh oh
Girl don’t play the fool–no”

- if anyone hasnt figured it out, its a version of Paula Abdul’s Cold Hearted Snake. I sing the song, whenever someone complains I am too cold, (body temp wise,)  or a bitch.

Finding out who we are, is a long journey. And down that road, we make many mistakes, we meet many people that help us become who we are meant to be. We can easily influenced by those are us, either good or bad. its up to us how we do.

Looking back, I realised how much I changed. Sometimes, people cant see it. The way I act.Either I am too firm, too blunt, too serious. I am condescending, sarcastic. Or i am too happy, joking, laughing too much.  The “I dont care” attitude really irritates people.

Here is what I discovered, Life is too short to care about what people think. Too short to let other people’s negativity ruin my day. You’re having a bad day? I’m making it worse? Who cares. No one is going to ruin my zen moment.

Irony in all that? people still think I am a cold hearted snake!







Wow, I was just writing about my intuition!

Can I just say its beginning to creep me out!!!

I was jamming to my music. Blogging.

All of sudden, someone shouted

“answer your fucking phone!”

I nearly fell out of my chair!

My heart pounding, I look around to make sure no one was in my room.

My music was pretty loud, but it was as if someone had stood beside me was yelling at me.

I checked my earphones to make sure it wasnt the music itself.

Frowning, I shrugged it off. I thought maybe it was jordan. I had my ringtone too loud.

I went into the living room, to check my phone.

I had one missed call.

My mouth dropped.

My ringtone was on vol 2 barely loud enough for anyone to hear. Let alone Jordan!!!

And the missed call was an hour ago!!!

I checked the voice mail.

What I heard freaked me right out!!

It was just static. And a clicking sound.

Oh my god, it was like the Ring all over the again!

Or the incident when i had a lanline!

A few years ago, I was asleep, a deep sleep.

A voice shouted in my ear not to answer the phone.

A few seconds later, the phone rang. It was the buzzer. Someone was buzzing to be let in.

I answered, still half asleep.

“Hey baby, let me in” a male voice whispered. “Come on. its cold outside. Let me in.”

Lucky for me i forgot how to buzz in people. I kept pressing the wrong button.

I went back to bed.

I fell asleep, “I told you not to answer the phone! Dont answer the phone!”

This time the phone rang, and I went to answer it. Again, ignoring my inner voice.

“Hey baby, come on open the door!” the male voice was whispering. I could barely hear him over the roaring in my ears. I got so upset, I yanked the phone off the wall, and threw it across the room.

I woke up the next morning, and thought it was a dream, until I saw the phone!!!




Today I am changing the crystals I am wearing to sunstone,moonstone, unakite, strawberry quartz, rose quartz

Sunstone has masculine qualities of the God, the yang, whereas the moonstone has feminine qualities of the Goddess, the yin. Wearing them together, will bring balance and inner harmony.

Hopefully, right?

Unakite brings vision of intuition, and future. strawberry quartz helps with romance and relationships, rose quartz with  love and passion

I try to work on my relationships with other people. How I interact with them, to remain positive and ignore negativity.

I am also trying to find my passion, what drives me. I have no idea. Writing is one passion.

There is so much of me I have to work on. To better myself, to be a better self.

Because when I look in the mirror, all I see is a dark void.

I dont see any passion, life.