SPIRITUALITY

Just going to church


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Tonight my mother decided to preach to me about how I am going to hell, because I’m not going to church! That I don’t pray. And that I don’t listen God’s message.
The thing is, my mother doesn’t know me.
“Don’t tell me about God! Don’t tell me how to pray and don’t tell me how to worship Him! You don’t know what I do!” I snapped.
“But you don’t go to church. How I wish my children went to church!”
I found the whole conversation hypocritical, she preaches about the apocalypse, how “Christian” she is.
When the truth is, she could claim all she want she is Godfearing, that she is religious, but she is just the worst hypocrite ive ever seen! in the end the only one to tell me, I am going to hell, is God himself. He is my judge. I know I am a sinner, I am not afraid of it, and asking forgiveness is all I can do to remain strong in my faith. every day I wake up more blessed more grateful to be in His Presence.
Why be afraid of His Love when one can bask in it!

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YOU ARE NOT A GOD!


“I’m telling you what is putting those kids in those comas is not an illness! It’s attacking them in their sleep! Using their fears to kill them!”

“Is it possible to go back in our dreams? I don’t like it here”

“Yes its called dream re-write. Dream recall. Just close your eyes. Think of a canvas. And paint it. Whatever colors you like”

-My  dream.

Waking up from this dream left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Literally!

It was bizarre. It was as if The Cell and Nightmare on Elmstreet got together and decided to have a baby!

There was a serial killer, he was a Dream Walker. He had the ability to walk into children’s dreams. He would pretend to be something or someone friendly, luring the kids to play with him, putting the children into a coma-like state. They couldnt wake up,

Then the Dream Walker would use whatever frightened them into killing them.

He got such a rush from it. It made him feel God-like!

Of course neurosurgeons, and regular doctors couldnt account for this bizarre medical occurrence. The kids were not responding to medical treatment, they were in a coma like state. They tried everything to coax a response, Adrenaline. But their body wouldnt register any pain etc.

They were just in a coma like sleep! Their EEGs, EKGs results were normal, despite the amount of stress they were in their sleep! It was unheard of! Their eyes however told another story. Rapid Eye Movement. That was the only clue that told the doctors how much stress the kids were under. And the petechial hemorrhaging. When they died.

The whole time the Dream Walker fed on their fear, he exulted in it, he never let the outside world know how frightened those children really were. I guess it was blessing.The kids’ heart beat never increased. An impossibility in the real world, right?

It was strange seeing all those colors, feeling all that fear. And the taste. It was the most disgusting taste. My mouth kept filling up with this foam, like the children were being suffocated or smothered and no matter how hard I scrubbed my mouth in the dream, I was choking with it. It was just gross.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to convince the doctors that this wasnt natural, that what was affecting the children was indeed out of their realm of expertise, I couldnt save the kids. Even tho I went into their dreams. I watched them die. One by one.

another awesome plotline for a story if i didnt have such writer’s block!!!

THERE IS PAIN…


I’m beginning to feel like my body is trying to find some way to kill me! Make it look like a natural death! A most painful one.
Oh my god the headache I have right now is unbelievable!
And its all thanks to my intuition.

This morning, I had been in a deep sleep. When this horrible ear piercing sound shattered my peaceful dream.
Its frequency mimicking a dog whistle,if a human could hear it.
It was so painfully loud I bolted awake wondering what the hell was going!
I listened for footsteps. Anything that could be out of place. Nothing.
I laid back down. Annoyed.
That my intuition would wake me up for nothing!
Orgasms ease my pain, and put me back to sleep. I was enjoying the pleasure rolling over me, relaxing me when I
hear Jordan and GF have sex a few moments later.
I was so quiet!
Are you kidding me?!
I was woken up so I could listen to them put on show!!

I came. But I couldn’t fall asleep!
So we had the same idea, no big deal or so I thought!
Until a  hour ago!
Before I went to bed. I meditated, and must have passed out.
I didn’t sleep much, because there was a sudden pressure on my third eye chakra. The pain was immense.
It was like getting hit in the forehead with a hammer!
I groaned, coming awake slowly. “Oh fuck!” I moaned I clutched my head.
Suddenly GF started moaning, she got louder.
Really?!
That wasn’t cool!
Not even 10 minutes after they were finished their friends came by, catcalling!
It would be funny if it wasn’t so painful.
I don’t need or want my intuition waking me up for something so stupid! I have ears! The whole entire building can hear her howling.
Ugh. What I would like is sleep.

MY FAILINGS HAVE COME TO HAUNT ME


I love how dreams flaunt your inner desires and remind you how you are failing compared to the rest of the human race!

When I was younger one of my dreams was to buy and move into my grandma’s house in the country. Have a family and be happy.

Now, I don’t want children. I’m questioning love. And my purpose in life.

Having dreams about my happy ending is sad. Especially when I want it with someone I can never have!

Well I had a dream that I was rebuilding my grandmas house in the country, it was all bones, just structure rooms being formed. 

I had given birth to a baby, and I was showing M the house. He was so proud of me. It meant a lot to me hearing his praise. His new wife wasn’t so proud. In fact she was seething with rage and jealousy, as we went from room to room and I explained my vision for each. 

When we got to the attic, M was silent. He turned to me, he held me for a moment. “You did and are doing a wonderful job, I am so proud of you!” He reached for my baby, “I’m going to get this one changed!”

The moment M left to go into the next room, his wife suddenly turned to me. Her expression was frightening. “You think because you have a man, a baby, this place you don’t think I know you are still in love with my husband!” She shrieked. “You will never have him!”

She shoved me, pushing me over the bannister of stairs that led up to the attic.

The fall was slow. My arms outstretched, and I saw M suddenly at the bannister. His hand reaching for me. He was screaming my name.

I was making distressed sounds in my sleep, it sounded like I was a mouse and for some reason I could hear everything in real time. 

Yet I never woke up, I just associated the sounds with my body hitting the floor, and the mouse like sound as my breath leaving my body!

That “death” could be why I hate stairs so much! 

I am failing at life, my dream told me!

BEING HAPPY


You may live or work around a bunch of weeds, but don’t let that stop you from blooming. Realize that your environment does not prevent you from being happy. Some people spend all their time trying to pull up all the weeds. Meanwhile, they miss much of their lives. Don’t worry about things you can’t change. You can’t change the traffic in the morning. You can’t fix everybody at work. You can’t make all your family members serve God. But you shouldn’t let that keep you from being happy. Bloom anyway and focus on the things that you can change. You can change your own attitude. You can choose to be happy right where you are.

Joel OsteenYour Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential

DREAM: being a hero to the people!


  
I had a remarkable dream about this tribes man who fought his entire life to overcome the hatred of his people, the racial profiling from outsiders, physical torture from war. He returned home to his people when he was in his 40s and they bestowed upon him a new name: Warrior . 

While he enjoyed this honour, others were envious, sought to destroy him. Again. That’s when his young son saved him.

The tribes people celebrated these two heroes. And made them their heroes.

I woke up smiling. Its nice to have an inspiring dream!

PRAYING TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON


Most of my prayers are of gratitude, of how thankful I am what God provided for me that day.

Most of my prayers are about being humble in His eyes.

Most of my prayers are about forgiveness.

Most of my prayers are about becoming a better person.

Today most of my thoughts were negative, I was quite angry.

angry because I was letting something so little so insignificant and juvenile get me down.

I let myself down.

Its kind of bummer.

Anger is such a wasted emotion.

Especially, when  I tried to be a positive happy person today.

i dont want to be “the saddest person they ever met”

I want to be the happiest joyful person they met!!!